February is the month of “LOVE” and usually you’ll have photographers marketing like crazy for couple shoots and all those discounted packages for Valentines day. This year, I decided to place my energy in a different direction, I chased after love and the meaning of it, the way it works and how it affects people. LOVE is a powerful “thing” and I wanted this month to be an inspiration to all the single people out there starting to plan their collection with cats.
Whilst online, I found this cute article where they did a survey on kids aged between 5 and 10 asking them what they describe as “love”. This is what they said:
- “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” – Manuel, age 8
- “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” – Mae, age 9
- “One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” – Ava, age 8
- “Love is foolish…but I still might try it sometime.” – Floyd, age 9
- “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” – Dave, age 8
Pretty cute if you ask me? Wet Wet Wet sang “love is all around me” and it sure is, however, it is never as easy as in the movies where you fall in love at first sight, get married and live happily ever after. This got me thinking about how hard finding someone could be in this modern day and age. Does one go to a club and try pick up their dream girl on the dance floor? With the loud music blaring, your compliments from the 2nd page of Google search won’t do any justice when the guy next to you is head banging to a remix of Katey Perry’s “I kissed a girl”. This is what lead me to the idea of finding people who have met online and are still currently happy and dating. I initially asked all my friends on Facebook through a status update whether any of them had met through Tinder, and the response was reasonably good, but that got me thinking broader at how many people have met online in general through any dating site out there. This response was even bigger!
A quick intro about Tinder: You download the app to your phone, upload a few images of yourself to your profile, add all relevant information about yourself and start browsing. If you find the person interesting, you would swipe right and the app would “match” you if the other person also swiped right finding you interesting, if they are boring or over shooting with their bio, swipe left and move on without them ever bugging you again. Quick and painless without the awkward coffee dates or dinners.
I set up a small questionnaire for three couples I had on Facebook and sent it their way. I really enjoyed reading their stories and getting to know them better and so I thought we could share it with everyone. The idea that they may have met their soulmate through a dating app or online dating site gives me goosebumps to say the least! Another reason for this personal project in the month of LOVE is I find that online dating in South Africa is frowned upon for some odd reason. People judge a person with an online profile and friends normally say “you are crazy to put yourself out there on the internet” however, in the U.S it is such a normal thing to be linked up to a dating site. I left it up to these couples to clear the air for all those who are sceptical about Tinder and other dating apps out there. I hope you enjoy this and get some positivity sent your way. You are not alone, your soulmate may be waiting for that “swipe” from you to be swept off their feet.
“Being an online dating virgin, Tinder seemed like a good start to have some fun!” – Chane
How did it all start? Why Tinder?
Craig : I was trying my hardest to stay single and have as much fun as possible… Most of what I found on Tinder was not capable of supporting a glass of water, never mind a conversation. So it suited my goal of light-hearted fun perfectly.
Chane : “Hi gorgeous! You probably have your heart set on an amazing Tinder-stalker opening line like “Hi, How are you?”, but what are your thoughts on lightning?”. After dealing with conversations so boring that made watching the sun rise feel as thrilling as riding that big wave at Point Break’s ending, he had my full attention. Being an online dating virgin, Tinder seemed like a good start to have some fun!
How long did you chat before meeting up?
Craig : 4 days. She tried playing hard to get but I informed her I didn’t want an adorable Whatsapp pen pal.
Chane : 4 days of non-stop entertaining conversations and of course I had to say no the first three times he tried to make a plan! An only child can’t ALWAYS get what he wants, when he wants it 😉
How long have you been together since meeting?
Craig : Too long. 9 months.
Chane : I have added value and excitement to his life for the past 9 months. Hoping for him to return the favour soon HAHA. “TOO LONG”, as we always respond when we get asked, but as he would say to me, “you make everything good, better”. His ‘’hardcore Hulk armor” has rusted beyond repair!
Any advice for single people out there hesitant to try Tinder?
Craig : Please do it. You solve the looks part of the equation when you swipe left or right, and you solve the conversational part when you chat. When you finally meet, you can see if there really is chemistry. This is far better than awkward first-time conversations at a bar, or a braai after being set up by friends.
Chane : After also being hesitant to try it, I don’t regret doing it at all. Not only did it lead me to someone that ticks all the right boxes, but the tequila drenched drunken fool using his Googled pick-up lines in the club or at the bar, gets old very quickly. Tinder is a great platform to use as a “test drive” before knowing if someone is worth your effort or not.
“I thought I need to meet a guy who is older & more mature…” – Natalia
How did it all start? Why Tinder?
Allan : It wasn’t exactly over tinder. I’ve spent so much time on the internet that it never crossed my mind to give it a try. I wanted to see what it would be like to meet someone over the internet. And to be quite honest, I was more interested in just hooking up with girls. Thinking about it now, it would have probably not turned out that well. I saw the dating websites ad whilst scrolling the internet, and I decided to give it a try. I was really curious! I mean I heard about stories of people meeting over the internet but it was still a sensitive subject, even your closest friends would question you. My curiously got the better of me and I just signed up anyway. Curiosity won on that day!
Natalia : I decided to give a dating site a chance a couple months after a relationship ended. I thought I need to meet a guy who is older & more mature, someone who knows what they want & is over the boyish tendencies. It landed up being a big laugh between my friends & me. I was also curious, my friends thought I was a complete nutter for giving it a go, but I did meet some really weird people, some friends & the most amazing guy. I went through Cosmopolitan Dating site as they have a great write up & it is very safe for women to use.
How was your first date?
Allan : We met up a few times before we went on a proper date. I decided to take her one of my favourite restaurants as I really wanted to impress her. We spoke almost every day over the phone and we really had fun. Her laugh is what caught my attention. I’ll never forget that.
Natalia : We hung out quite a bit after we met & hit things off after the valentines party. Eventually he asked me out on a date & took me to a beautiful restaurant in Sandton. We spoke for hours, laughed so much & got to know each other quite well.
How long have you been together since meeting?
Allan : Almost 3 years
Natalia : Almost 3 years
Any weird or funny stories of previous meet-ups through online dating?
Allan : I don’t know if this is creepy or me being lucky. She was the first girl who I spoke to on the dating website
Natalia : I have had some creepers before I met Allan. I was followed by one of the guys from my office to where we met up, he didn’t eat lunch & still asked me to pay for his drink.
Some advice for single people out there sceptical to try online dating?
Allan : If your curious about trying it , give it a try. Your not forced to meet face to face
Natalia : If you want to give it a go, I think you should, its not like you have to meet the person if you don’t like them & you can make some really good friends.
“I actually forgot what his face looked like after our date…” – Jolani
How did you end up online? Why Tinder?
Jolani : I’ve always enjoyed meeting people via social sites. My best friend told me about Tinder, and after a few dates I finally met someone I wanted to call mine.
Deon : I heard about Tinder a couple of times, but never used a social site to try and meet someone before, so I thought it might be worth a try. I started chatting with Jolani from the first day I had started using Tinder.
How long did you chat before meeting up?
Jolani : About a week.
Deon : A week.
How was your first date?
Jolani : I wasn’t so nervous when we met. I have met quite a few people before him. So, by then I was comfortable and memorized my questionnaire & answers (ha-ha). I actually forgot what his face looked like after our date– I am never going to hear the end of it, but his arms were so distracting.
Deon : I was quite nervous, and really did not know what to expect, as I have never met someone from a social site before. We had a couple of drinks at a local restaurant, and I think we hit it off right from the start, we had a lot of fun trying to get to know each other a bit better.
How long have you been together since meeting?
Jolani : 1 year & 4 months
Deon : Almost a year and a half
Some advice for single people out there hesitant to try Tinder?
Jolani : I think it is a great way to meet new people. That being said, be cautious in giving out info about yourself. Do try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but don’t give in to persistent, aggressive, manipulative communication tactics.
Deon : Just give it a try, but use your common sense.
MUA & Styling for Natalia – Image Alchemy (Rozi Birk)
Locations used: The Sheds @1Fox and Maboneng Precinct